How to Stop Checking Your Ex’s Social Media (Even When You Really Want To)
It’s like that itch you need to scratch, checking your ex’s social media. Maybe you relish watching the few stories they post, or maybe your ex isn’t even on social but you look for a sliver of them in your mutual friends’ posts or stories.
I know, you have a curiosity, you miss an emotional connection, you wonder what they’re doing and if they’ve moved on while you’re still crying every other day or replaying the relationship in your mind to figure out where it went wrong.
When you’re no longer together, it’s so tempting to capture any pieces of them that you might be able to find. I probably don’t need to tell you this, especially if you understand the all-consuming nature of it, but it’s likely not helping you move on.
Here are some of the things that helped me get past this tricky time and put the phone down for good.
First, Understand Why You’re Doing It
Are you seeking closure? Do you miss the connection with them? Are you looking for reassurance that you actually meant something to them and that they haven’t moved on quicker than you have?
Our brains often seek out information to fill the missing space. I know when I was going through my breakup I was consumed with wondering what the other person was up to. I wanted to revisit it all. If I had more immediately understood what this pattern was for me I might have had a chance to question it and interrupt it sooner.
Notice What Triggers You to Check
Is there a specific time of day that you think to check their socials? Does it have to do with a particularly low feeling that you have. Maybe you’re bored or lonely?
Once of things that helped me to break the pattern was to notice when I was feeling like I wanted to look and then note mentally or even jot down in a journal what I was feeling and force myself to take a beat before I went ahead and grabbed my phone. I would wait for some minutes, sometimes the feeling would pass.
What’s your story? Maybe it’s something like, ‘Every time I feel anxious about being alone on a Friday night, I go straight to his profile to check his stories.’ If that’s the case, you know to try and create routine that might help you avoid this or give you something else to do if this situation occurs.
Make it Harder to Look
You don’t really need reminders about this person, you need the opposite of that. I find unfollowing to be somewhat harsh (because other people and they can notice that you’ve done it) but I would probably be more likely to mute someone. It doesn’t have to be forever if that makes you feel better. Just for right now. Maybe you need to take the step to remove the app altogether from your phone. Changing the habit is much easier than simply using willpower alone.
Find Something Else to Fill the Void
Cutting a habit out of your life is much easier to do if you have something to replace it. I found in the past creating a new evening ritual for myself where I enjoyed a tv show or talked with a friend was a great substitute. Maybe catch up on some hobbies that you really want to do. Creating a vision board for some great future has the added benefit of helping you see past this very temporary time of your breakup.
Reframe What You Think You’re Missing
Sometimes it’s easy to romanticize the good times and forget about the unease, uncertainty and generally bad feelings you had when you were with someone. What they’re up to know doesn’t matter. If your brain does still orient that way, this is a prime time to start focusing that attention inward and onto yourself. The thought and attention belongs to you and should be for you in this moment. In fact, I hope that you become so involved in your own life that you find yourself thinking about them less and less.
If You Slip Up, Don’t Spiral
It’s normal to go and check despite your best efforts to avoid doing so. You’re detaching over time. Be gentle with yourself and accept that you slipped up and looked at their profile but just keep it moving. It’s not the end of the world. The fact is, you’re taking positive steps to protect your peace, sometimes that might get disrupted but you’re still going in the right direction.
Conclusion
If you’re trying to stop yourself from checking your ex’s social media after a breakup, it’s going to be an exercise in channeling your energy into new things and replacing old habits. Know that every time you resist the urge to look, you’re showing your brain that you don’t need those little updates to move forward. The curiosity might feel powerful at first, but it fades fast when you stop feeding it. With time, you’ll realise that you no longer care to check and you’ll know you’re on your way to healing.
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