Building Generational Wealth in the Form of Community
This weekend I was reminded of how important it is to have community when I had to move out of my apartment. My older son asked a few of his friends to come over and help us move, with only the promise of some free food. They were here in a heartbeat. I had never really seen his friendships up close, but I felt good knowing that he had the kinds of friends that he could count on to help him when needed. I know he would do the same for them. It was a relief that he already understood how to build bonds naturally with people.
Community-building as a skill
I have observed that this isn’t necessarily a skill that everyone has. You do get opportunities to work it out by simply being around people, but if you haven’t had it modelled for you throughout your life, you may not know what this looks like.
Why community is important
I’m the first person to tell you that I thrive when I’m alone. It’s a natural state of being for me. But there’s a difference between being alone in your home and feeling alone in the world. We’re human animals and we need connection with others for our wellbeing, it’s as simple as that. This assumption is not even taking into account all the times that we might need to rely on the kindness of others to drive us home after we get our wisdom teeth taken out, or as in the above example, when you need help moving. Of course you can pay for those things now, but it becomes very expensive to live in solitude that way. And how sad it is to feel that everything is transactional.
Social wealth
I once heard someone talk about the idea of social capital in families and neighborhoods and I loved it, because it’s something that I didn’t realise that I had inherited growing up. I remember being a kid and being surrounded by lots of aunts, uncles and cousins who weren’t even necessarily related to us. There were always big gatherings that my mom hosted, and it brought people together on a regular basis.
It wasn’t until later that I learned that the glue that held all these disparate groups together was my grandmother. She was truly a matriarch in this sense because she had essentially babysat all the kids of the parents in this group and for that they knew and loved her. And by proxy, we all became a kind of family. My mother, being her daughter, was held up in high regard by others (probably also because of her generosity and opening her home to others when they needed) and that goodwill passed down to me and my sister.
Most of that original group has disbanded and is now raising families in different locations but I do believe we’re all still connected as a community in some form.
How does community happen?
I’m not saying that you need to go and babysit all the neighborhood kids, but community does require some level of inconvenience. There is an expectation you pour into the same well, basically contributing to the group to reap the rewards of what community can offer.
How to find your community is another question altogether.
If you aren’t part of a church or some other formal structure like a sporting and recreational team it might be harder to come by. It’s not impossible but it takes effort.
It could be the neighborhood where you live, where you go to school, a book club, an online forum, or maybe you decide to have a picnic each week and invite different friends you have, and you all eventually become intertwined.
Showing up for others
One of the best things about having people that you’re responsible for is that you get to flex the muscle of obligation and consideration. If you have children you probably do this already, but I would argue that looking after your own children is equivalent to looking after your own interests.
Being able to step outside of ourselves and be responsible to others and show up for events when we’re tired or would rather take a day off, is part of the social contract.
I use this example because I notice that people cancelling last minute to a planned get together seems to be a growing trend.
I’m sure there are a lot of societal reasons for this, at the top being that so many people are struggling to get by in this economic and political climate. We have very little time to think about what others might need if we’re worried about our own needs. But this is precisely when we need to lean on and contribute to our communities.
Conclusion
Community tends to reveal itself in the difficult times. The support you receive in those moments often reflects the time and effort invested long before it was needed. Building and maintaining those connections requires consistency, reciprocity, and a willingness to show up when it would be easier not to. Over time, those choices shape the kind of life that doesn’t have to be managed alone.
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