What I Wish I Knew When Starting Over at Work as a Single Mother

One of the first things I did when I was psyching myself up to get back into the workforce was to seek out books. I love books as a resource, partly because I’m old school, partly because I understand the level of editing, revision, and fact-checking (traditionally) that goes into getting something published with a big publisher. In other words, in a world where anyone can say anything on a podcast or type anything on a blog (yes, a little too on the nose here) books have a different level of credibility.

However, as good a resource as they normally are, I was deeply discouraged by many of the most popular business books I’d find. Many business books assume a version of daily life that simply doesn’t exist for most working mothers or single mothers.

Biographies of high-profile successes often treat having a family as a few sentences in one chapter. Other, more ‘practical’ books might talk about neatly optimised days, time blocked with precision. They might mention deep work, a rigid exercise schedule, time for reflection, and even quality time with children.

Regarding that quality time with children, it’s usually framed as the few hours of protected time together when the reality of being a primary caretaker is constant responsibility and interruption. In my experience, interruption is the number one feature. Try scheduling deep work with a toddler around.

The invisible work that has to happen to have a career

What’s missing is everything that makes those days possible. There’s no mention of housework, meal prep, laundry, school forms, sick days, last-minute pickups, emotional labor, or the mental load of being on call for the kid’s planned and unplanned needs. It reads as though someone else is absorbing all that effort in the background. If they did that stuff nearly as much as I did as a single mother and caretaker, I feel like they’d be writing about it. It’s the reason I’m writing about it now!

Acknowledging the experience of regular working mothers

This isn’t a complaint about those other books or their authors. A book not being for you doesn’t make it wrong. But there is a glaring gap in the market in advice for people who are genuinely juggling work and family life, and an even wider one for single mothers who may not have much support. When guidance assumes resources you don’t have, it’s easy to internalize the idea that you’re falling short.

If you’ve ever felt bad because you can’t keep up with a packed schedule or replicate someone else’s productivity system, this is your reminder that it may simply not be built for your life. Most people I know could benefit from fewer expectations and more mental breathing room, not tighter routines.

I’m not an organizational expert. I’m a mother trying to earn a living, stay curious, and show up for the people in my home. If I can share something here that helps someone else to get ideas on how to tackle their regular challenges, then all the better.

Below are some of the things that have made sense for me, shared with full transparency about the privileges that support them.

Some of the privileges that make my life easier:

·       I have a functional co-parent who can handle some school pickups.

·       I have an older child who helps with practical tasks.

·       I have stable work that allows me to pay for certain conveniences.

Without those things, my decisions and how I would work around them might look very different.

If I was writing a book about being a working single mother this is what I would say

If I was writing a business book, I’d include a few early chapters about the realities of getting your life in a functional order where you and your family are well. The top things I’ve learned through trial and error are:

Outsource the things you can

I don’t try to do everything myself. Cooking is the main thing I outsource. I enjoy it, but I don’t have the energy for constant prep and cleanup. I’ll cook in batches when I can, but I rely on takeaway nights and ordering school lunches for variety. I do have hopes that in some near future I can make time to get back to baking on the weekends but for right now it’s going to take a backseat to the extra naps or workouts because I need those more.

Don’t feel bad that your child isn’t doing as much as others

I don’t overload my child’s schedule. Her extracurriculars are on campus, before or after school. That limits the amount of driving I have and protects my energy. If you have the capacity to travel further for activities, that’s great. I know that I don’t, at least not consistently. If she were to show an intense interest in something I would take that time but for now, going to recitals and performances is more than enough.

Get your wardrobe and beauty routine down

I keep a small capsule wardrobe. Fewer clothes mean I can keep track of items more easily and experience less decision fatigue. I avoid anything that needs special care. Doing one manageable basket of laundry at a time is far easier than letting everything pile up into an overwhelming task. I also refresh the makeup techniques and hair options every few months so I feel good about them, so I can just go with the flow the rest of the time.

Simplify the cleaning and home keeping routine

I clean in small, regular increments. Bathrooms on Fridays. Sheets and bedrooms on Mondays. The kitchen gets daily attention because a pile of dishes stresses me out. Vacuuming happens pretty much every day because I have an easy handheld. This approach works better for me than saving everything for one exhausting overhaul.

Give yourself time buffers throughout the day

I have an annoying ability to remain calm outwardly, while physically being greatly affected by stress. Can I ‘handle’ stress? Yes. Do I want to find out how much it might hurt me over time? No. If you are running the show at home and at work, you are likely to be at heightened stress levels. Something as simple as planning transition time throughout the day between your obligations can make a big difference in taking a break from fight-or-flight mode. To go a step further, I prioritize leisurely going through my day for this purpose- but that’s for another blog post.

Remove the non-essentials

In this season of life, some interests are paused. My priorities are my children, my income, and my wellbeing. Wellbeing can range from any number of things that include friendships, movement, sleep, nourishment, and staying mentally engaged. So, it’s not as though I don’t have a life, but it does mean I have to be very thoughtful and clear about what nourishes me. Everything else can wait.

I know none of this is career advice, per se, but for a single mother who is getting back on her feet and back into the work force, it’s the most helpful advice to lay a foundation for working productively. How can you even think about thriving, let alone advancing, in your career if the rest of your life is falling apart? I learned this very slowly along the way, though it would have been helpful for me if there was a book about any of this to provide guidance.

Conclusion

During the times when I really was mostly focused caring for a little one, it helped to reframe what I was doing with my time. I considered those early years as laying the foundation for skills, ‘putting in the reps’ so to speak when it came to learning, tending to the home and taking on work here and there. It might feel like you’re treading water, but have some patience, the tides will turn one day, and you’ll find yourself with more autonomy over your time. And when you do experience this freedom, you’ll be much better prepared to finally make those big moves.