The Importance of Showing Up
I’ve noticed over the years one of the most important elements of continuous connection for me has been simply showing up. Being dependable and being there for friends, family, colleagues, children and even myself helps develop ongoing trust.
Connection exists in consistency rather than grand gestures. It’s like an ongoing conversation that you have over time but instead of words you’re communicating through actions.
When the irrational choice is the right one
A couple of years ago I got a call from my best friend in California that she wanted me to be the Maid of Honor at her wedding. A very normal request, right? The tricky part was that this wedding was going to take place in 3 weeks, and I happen to live exactly one 14-hour flight away from where she is since my home is Australia. I have kids in school and full-time work, so I knew she was calling with the understanding that it was unlikely that I’d be able to go. She just wanted to share the news and recognize our close friendship.
Well, if you know anything about me, it’s that I take showing up for people very seriously. For my friend of over 20 years, my little hesitation was mostly related to whether I could get a reasonable flight there and do it on a short turnaround. Once I confirmed it would be logistically feasible, I immediately messaged her my flight details and got to work ordering a dress and shoes.
I ended up flying there and staying in California for fewer than 48 hours (I probably got 4 hours of sleep over that entire weekend) but I can’t imagine having not been there to celebrate. I know I was fortunate enough to be able to pull that off with the work and kids.
How you already show up (often without realizing it)
Most of us underestimate the ways we continually show up in our daily lives. Think about the past week and ask whether this or something similar applies to you:
· You took your kids to school on time, even on mornings when you were tired.
· You picked them up, even when your day felt too full.
You made it to work, appointments, social commitments (sometimes reluctantly).
You followed through on tasks you would have preferred to postpone.
You answered messages, supported someone, or held space for a friend.
We forget that these are acts of care and effort. They matter to someone even though it might feel like just your routine. You are already showing up far more than you give yourself credit for.
Think about how the other person would appreciate support
If you’re going to make the effort for someone, make sure it’s in a way that means something to them. The most common example I have in my life right now is with my kids. The difficult part is that I have a busy schedule so I usually have to slot in time around what I’m doing and when I need to rest. But sometimes I do recognize that it would mean a lot to them if I rearranged what I was doing to accommodate them, like going to a recital or taking them to a friend’s birthday part that they really want to go to.
Making sure that showing up doesn’t mean abandoning yourself
There are going to be times when you have nothing left to give someone because you are at capacity. I certainly had times where I just needed to be a hermit at home for a week and get my bearings again before I was ready to be around others again. If you need to postpone some plans with people, be honest. Send a message of support for them and take a raincheck to hang out later. If you have a history if showing up regularly, you’ve probably built up enough credibility that it would negatively impact your relationship.
Taking time to notice when you show up and when others do too
It’s worth noticing where you already do this for others, and just as importantly, pausing to recognize when it’s done for you. Those moments of being supported, remembered, or held steady are easy to overlook, yet they’re the same threads that keep connection intact. When you start paying attention to both sides, you begin to see how much showing up shapes the relationships around you.