Removing the Stress of the To-Do List

For years, I lived by planned schedules, timed to-do lists, and an awareness of every minute of my day. Every hour had a purpose, every task had a place, and I genuinely believed that if I could just organize my day well enough, I'd finally feel on top of everything.

Instead, I felt exhausted.

Thankfully, through a lot of personal reflection, I've moved away from rigid to-do lists and toward a rhythm that feels much more aligned with the life I want to live. Ironically, I'm getting just as much done—without carrying the constant feeling that I'm racing against the clock.

When I Realized the Stress Was Too Much

I still remember sitting with my daughter at a COVID screening clinic when a nurse took my blood pressure. He looked at the reading, then looked back at me.

"Are you feeling okay?"

My blood pressure was so high that he was surprised I was still sitting there looking relatively calm. He asked me to stay until it came back down, and thankfully it did after a few minutes.

At the time, I blamed my unusual blood pressure reading on the circumstances. It was a stressful period for everyone, and I was worried my daughter had been exposed to the virus.

But a few months later, after I started noticing broken blood vessels in the whites of my eyes, I brought the experience up with my doctor. It turned out my blood pressure had become chronically elevated. Thankfully I had put those two occurrences together before my condition got any worse. There were a number of contributing factors to this physical change, but one thing became very clear: the way I was moving through life wasn't sustainable.

After years of navigating divorce and rebuilding my life, I had become accustomed to living under pressure. Some stress was unavoidable, but I started asking myself a different question:

What unnecessary stress was I creating for myself?

Learning to Create More Ease

Like most people, I still have responsibilities. Work needs to get done. My daughter needs me. I have goals and ambitions that matter to me. The answer wasn't stripping my life back to nothing – that’s just not possible for me and my circumstances.

Instead, I changed how I approached everything. I started paying attention to the moments during the day when I felt my body tighten. It happened:

·       When I rushed from one commitment to the next.

·       When I packed too much into a single day.

·       When I stressed about hitting 10,000 steps instead of simply enjoying a walk.

·       When I didn't get enough sleep.

Even following a perfectly organized checklist of healthy habits created a pressure that never seemed to switch off.

Listening to My Body Instead of My Schedule

For a long time, in the name of discipline, I learned to override what my body needed. If I was tired, I pushed through. If I had planned a workout but was lagging, I did it anyway. Eventually I realized I was spending my entire day in a low-level state of alertness. Nothing was catastrophic, but the accumulation was taking a toll.

So, I started experimenting with the idea of purposeful ease. I let myself wake naturally when I could. I lingered over my morning coffee instead of rushing to the next task. I paused between activities instead of treating every transition like an Formula 1 pit stop. If my body needed rest, I rested. The workout could happen tomorrow, and I made sure to sleep a bit earlier so I could make sure it happened in a healthy way.

For me, at least, tuning out of what my body needed was a detriment to me and my health. Honoring the sense of ease that it was asking for (in the form of elevated blood pressure levels) was the only way it was going to cooperate with me.

Turning To-Do Lists into Rituals

I still like accomplishing things. I haven't abandoned productivity—I just approach it differently now. Instead of creating long checklists with impossible expectations, I focus on building rituals. If I want to get in a habit of more movement, I might sleep earlier so I can rise early and walk outside to get my favorite morning drink. I couple this obligation with something I look forward to that feels nourishing rather than punishing.

Of course, there are things I need to do, like lifting weights, that creates purposeful stress. But lessening the impact and frequency of other daily stressors means that this amount of exertion doesn’t totally deplete me.

Trusting That You're Doing Enough

One of the biggest fears I had about moving away from rigid scheduling was that I would be far less productive. I had to trust that meaningful work would get done over time – that I could accomplish what I want without running myself ragged. These days, I still have goals. I still work hard. But I no longer want my calendar to dictate every moment of my day. I can better discern the difference between procrastination and genuine fatigue.

It might not seem like a big change, but instead of asking, "How much can I fit into today?" I ask, “What are the things that NEED to get done today?” and "How can I move through today with more ease?" For me, that's been one of the healthiest changes I've ever made.