How to Make Thanksgiving Alone Feel Less Lonely
If, for whatever reason, you find yourself spending time alone during the Thanksgiving holiday, here are some ideas on how to make the day special for yourself.
I’ve written a lot about how when I got divorced I decided to downsize many parts of my life. Holidays and celebrations made it to the list of cuts, not because I didn’t want them but because I recognized I only have so much time and energy to play with as a single parent. I made the conscious choice to let go of obligations that didn’t really fit my new life anymore, and one of those was hosting big Thanksgiving dinners.
Part of the reason it was easy for me to let go of this obligation was because I knew that my kids would still enjoy a big event at their dad’s place (which took the pressure off me to continue the tradition for them). But now that they routinely spend that part of the year with him, I find myself celebrating this holiday alone.
Some people treat it as any other day and just get on with normal things but I still enjoy the warmth of Thanksgiving, so I wanted to find a way to celebrate, even when I’m doing it solo. What I’ve come up with emphasizes the parts I like and minimizes the stress. I’ve adjusted my traditions to be about my enjoyment rather than catering to other people. I know, how novel!
Letting Go of the Old Version of Thanksgiving
If you’ve ever hosted Thanksgiving, you know how much work it is. Hours of prep, mountains of dishes, organizing the timing of all the dishes and how much of each you have, plus figuring out the family politics of who to invite and who sits where. It’s a huge effort.
I used to enjoy it, and I look back fondly at having the chance to do it, but I also look to the future now and reimagining what this holiday looks for me when I’m not driving myself crazy with endless homemaking tasks.
In this stage of life, I choose to enjoy the parts that mean something to me and let go of the rest. To be honest, I’m relieved to release the burden of cooking a 15 lb. turkey and full dinner every year. Besides, my favorite part of Thanksgiving has always been the quiet time I had to myself to turn on Christmas music super early in the morning as I did my kitchen prep. And when I say early, I mean like 4am. It was preparing the food, sipping a festive coffee and embracing a sense of anticipation that I loved. I still honor that feeling, just in a smaller, more personal way.
The Realities of Celebrating Thanksgiving Abroad
Living outside the U.S. makes Thanksgiving a little more complicated. Some ingredients are hard to find, and for that reason I’ve spent nearly two decades making pumpkin pie completely from scratch because canned pumpkin wasn’t available.
When there are readily available ways to shortcut much of the cooking if you live in the United States, I don’t have that same luxury. Frankly, if I could I’d honestly just buy an entire dinner with sides and everything from a restaurant I loved, but we don’t have that here.
Keeping in mind that a full traditional Thanksgiving is so labor-intensive and there aren’t very many shortcuts available near me I had to be smart about how I wanted to approach this holiday. So, I started asking myself: what parts of Thanksgiving do I actually love the most?
Which Parts of Thanksgiving to Keep For Your Solo Celebration
For me, it’s the leftovers that I love the most about Thanksgiving- and more specifically the sandwiches you can make with them. So, I focus my effort on making the unique things like sweet potato casserole and green bean casserole but outsource the mashed potatoes and gravy and just pick up a jar of cranberry sauce. Skipping the turkey and opting for KFC fried chicken to have with these sides is honestly the best though. It’s the sides that give it the holiday flavor for me anyway.
And if I’ve got a little extra energy I sometimes make pies for friends who’ve never tried pumpkin or pecan pie before. I do love sharing food and it’s a simple way to share a tradition without all the pressure of hosting.
Creating New Solo Traditions for Thanksgiving
For many reasons (divorce, living overseas, being time-poor) I’ve felt less guilt about taking a more relaxed attitude toward Thanksgiving. I like to be intentional and build the feeling around me, so I might put on a few feel-good movies, reach out to friends and family to see how they’re tracking with their festivities, and take a little time to soak in this time that nudges us closer to the end of the year.
Also, I do find it fun to have the day to myself to browse Black Friday deals for something I’ve been eyeing (because my Christmas shopping is usually done by September I’m not so focused on gifts). It’s a perfectly nice way to celebrate Thanksgiving in a way that fits my life now.
Creating Meaning For Yourself in Your Own Thanksgiving Celebrations
If you’re feeling adrift this time of year because you’re unsure of how to mark the holidays when you’re not part of a big family gathering, know that there are ways to create the feeling around you. Try to start small. Pick one of two things that make the day feel special to you.
It could be a favorite meal, a long walk, a movie marathon or sending gratitude messages to people you care about. Traditions don’t need to be elaborate to be meaningful. You’ll eventually figure out which of the little rituals bring you the most joy and be able to fashion a Thanksgiving celebration each year that brings you a sense of warmth and feels uniquely yours.
Related Reads:
