What Not to Do During the First Month of a Breakup
The first month after a breakup can feel like a blur. Between sleepless nights, overthinking, and suddenly having a lot more time on your hands, it’s easy to act on impulse. People might warn you not to make any big changes — like getting bangs or an extreme haircut — and they’re not wrong. But honestly, hair grows back. I think the bigger pitfalls to avoid are the ones that can slow your healing or make you feel worse in the long run.
Here’s what I’d keep an eye on.
Don’t hit “unfriend” — just hit “mute”
It’s tempting to delete your ex from every corner of your life, but unfriending or blocking them on social media in the heat of the moment can feel more dramatic than it needs to be. Mute them instead. You’ll get the space you need without the extra emotional fallout or awkward re-adding later if things mellow out.
Don’t dive headfirst into the dating scene
Yes, it might feel like the fastest way to move on is to “replace” what you’ve lost. But when you’re still raw, you can end up attracting the wrong energy. There’s a high chance of scaring off the genuinely good ones and drawing in people who notice your vulnerabilities a mile away. Give yourself time before you jump back in so that you’re a version of yourself that will match with the right person for a healthy you.
Don’t talk about your ex nonstop
Your friends want to be there for you — they really do. But if every conversation turns into the same story about your ex, you risk burning them out. Try spreading out what you share among different friends, and avoid repeating the same details over and over. I’m not suggesting you bottle things up but rather ensuring that you’re not letting your ex take up that much space in your life anymore.
Don’t romanticize only the good times
It’s human to miss the fun memories, the trips, the inside jokes. But make sure you also remember the parts of the relationship that didn’t work for you. Being objective and fair about your past is important. Otherwise, your brain will start playing a highlight reel and conveniently skip the reality check.
Don’t post or act for their attention
Working out more, deleting photos, unfriending mutuals, or posting a “mysteriously cryptic” story can all secretly be about getting your ex to notice you. That’s a game that leaves you more tied to them than you think. Focus your energy on things that feel good because they’re for you, not because they might make them regret losing you.
Don’t frame your glow-up as revenge
A post-breakup transformation can be empowering. Just make sure it’s driven by self-support, not the hope your ex will wish they’d stayed. Your changes will stick (and feel so much better) if they’re built on wanting more for yourself, not on wanting someone else to want you.
Final thoughts
In the first month of a breakup, you’re probably trying to regain your footing. Especially if this was a long relationship you might be wondering what the future could possibly look like. Remember to protect your peace, guard your energy, and choose actions that put you back in the center of your own life.
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