When you first start dating someone, it can be tempting to lay out exactly what you want in a partner. You might think that by setting clear expectations, you’ll make it easier to find someone who meets your standards. But in reality, this approach can backfire.

If you’ve read any of my other blog posts, you probably know that I believe a strong relationship comes from being solid in who you are by yourself. In fact, I would go so far as to say that in times when I’ve felt vulnerable, I have attracted (and been attracted to) people who were terrible matches for me.